Posted by upliftingthoughts4u
There is a tale about three blind men who are holding onto different parts of an elephant. One is holding a leg, saying: “This elephant is like the trunk of a tree.” Another is holding onto the tail, stating: “This elephant is like a snake.” Another is holding onto the trunk, who says: “No, it is like a really thick rope.” Thinking about it, they are all correct in their descriptions. But does it really describe an elephant? Nope.
You see, when one is looking at a situation, probably negative, one only sees it from a personal take on the facts. Other people could see it far differently.
We get so addicted to our own point of view, however, that we think that is all there is. In fact, we do not look outside of our own perceptions to answer a question, respond to a situation (either positive or negative), formulate a plan of action, or even decide to withdraw from the world at large, experiencing depression, angst, or fear.
If one were to suggest that there are other alternatives, most of us do not listen unless it already supports our point of view. The rest just falls away.
If one knows someone who has had such pain in his/her life/heart that withdrawal has become the only answer, how do you show your compassion to that person? As she/he clings madly to the problem, do you get angry? Do you yell at him/her, trying to get through the wall that was placed there on purpose for defense/protection? If you can make no sense of the situation, which keeps deteriorating like a sinking ship, what are you to do if you care about that person? Stand by and watch it go down? That is painful, indeed, to watch.
Try to not forget that personal choice rules here. You cannot save someone who does not really want to be saved. Complaints and suffering aside, the one who is sinking may not want to go quietly, but positive action, no matter how small or doable, is not considered an option by that person because it has already been discarded.
You can always care very much. You can pray. You can try to structure another possibility if you remember the point of reference that person is using. Remember the elephant? Which part does he/she have hold of?
This process is also true in an argument. People tend to defend their own ideas, no matter how strange, and keep holding on to their own version of the elephant, be it leg, tail, or trunk. It is hard to discuss your idea/resolution if you cannot see what idea they are attached to. You have to enter their thought processes, use active listening techniques, recognizing the anger (which is a tool to make the anger dissipate), and keep feeding back to that person what you are hearing. One cannot argue reasonably with an angry person. The anger must first be drawn off in order to have any reasoning heard. Most anger is caused because that person feels like he/she is not being heard, which is why active listening techniques work so well.
How about you? Have you looked at your world lately? Do you have things that make you feel very uncomfortable? Is there an “unreasonable” person — be it a boss, supervisor, coworker, teenager, child — in your life that is “making you crazy?” Join the rest of the world as there will always be someone to “drive you up a wall!” The question is, what part of the elephant are you holding on to? Try to remember that you can decide to go crazy or not as that truly is a decision within your personal power to control. You can even opt out of it entirely by using silence — one of the most ignored, and most successful, tools in the world. It will stop the acceleration.
Sometimes, especially with children, we have to be the needed guide to the “little person,” who thinks whatever action we require is unwelcome and unwanted. If we renege on our duty/responsibility as parents or teachers, the world will be a sadder place for it. That child will grow up without the tools to live his/her life and make better choices. There are so many children we see in stores these days who absolutely are not taught the word “NO means NO!” How many tantrums have you seen lately? It takes a lot of time, effort, and energy to try to keep doing what you know you need to do, often with little gratis afforded your efforts. Try to remember the elephant because you are teaching the point of view that is needed to get the child to see the bigger picture and not just about how it is he/she is thinking/attached to.
Have you heard the words, “Team Building?” It is a buzz word to get things done as efficiently as possible. How does one begin? Simple: Teach the elephant idea as each one is holding a part of the overall product in his/her expertise. Each one has to learn what his/her part is and how it relates to the whole. Then you make sure each one does his/her part. There is always a before and after part to each person’s particular piece. It must start somewhere and end someplace else. It is like hooking the pieces of a train together so it can begin to move. Usually, the whole train gets to moving forward, gathering speed as each learns and does what is needed. If one gets uncoupled, the whole train suffers from lack of forward motion and confusion. Then you have to figure out who got uncoupled, which is fairly obvious. The fix becomes clear much more easily.
I worked in the Government for many years. I used this concept successfully on so many needs that it was honed to simplicity itself. I worked with individual field offices, reporting requirements, travel, major household moves, regulations, timekeeping, performance appraisals, etc. This idea works, plain and simple.
What areas could you use this elephant idea in? Do you see the elephant, or are you personally hanging onto a leg, tail, or trunk? You will have to learn to shift your paradigm to see the elephant. Are you willing? You life would become so much simpler if you would “get out of your box” and look at the overall picture. Once you know the principle and can use it, you whole life could change because interactions would become easier. You could use it with anyone in your environment. Is it worth your effort? YES!
God’s blessings upon your journey!
Posted in Uplifting Thoughts
Tags: active listening, alternatives, anger, angst, answer, argument, blessings, children, choices, compassion, crazy, defend, depression, efficiently, elephant, fear, God, journey, metaphysics, negative, New Age, New thought, overall picture, pain, paradigm, perceptions, positive, reasoning, simpler, team building, thoughts, Truth, understanding, willing, wisdom, withdraw
Posted by upliftingthoughts4u
Here is an article from Dr. Wayne Dyer with so many good points in it that it is worthy of reposting:
Here is an article by my daughter, Serena:
10 Tips For Raising Your Child In A Spiritual Way
Lessons Learned From My Father, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
1. Don’t Die with Your Music Still in You
Serena: There’s something I have heard my father say too many times to count: “You will never regret what you do in life; you will only regret what you don’t do.” Everything I have ever done has taught me something, whether it worked out or not. Sometimes the takeaway is simply knowing what I don’t want. Notice whether you are moving toward or away from what excites you. If you pay attention and let yourself be guided by your intuition, you won’t have to worry about dying with your music inside of you.
2. Have a Mind That Is Open to Everything and Attached to Nothing
Wayne: We become what we think about all day long—this is one of the greatest secrets that so many people are unaware of as they live out their life’s mission. What we think about is the business of our minds. If that inner invisibleness called our mind is closed to new ideas and infinite possibilities, it is equivalent to killing off the most important aspect of our very humanity. A mind that is open and unattached to any one particular way of being or living is like having an empty container that can allow new and endless possibilities to enter and be explored.
3. You Can’t Give Away What You Don’t Have
Serena: It may seem impossible now, but one day, we’ll all look back at the storms we have weathered and give a silent thank you. For many of us, it is the storms of our lives that have given us compassion, kindness, and gentleness that we otherwise may not have known—and that we can now give away to others, because they are inside of us.
4. Embrace Silence
Wayne: I have long known the wisdom inherent in the ancient aphorism, “It’s the silence between the notes that makes the music.” This is a truth that both my wife Marcelene and I attempted to convey to all of our children as we sought to make our home a temple of serenity and peace, amidst all of the activity of a large family. Everything emerges out of the silence.
5. Give Up Your Personal History
Serena: Our personal history is all the things in our background that keep us the same. If more of the same is not what we want, we have to let go of our history. When we do, we let go of all the beliefs we’ve had about ourselves—beliefs which may not even be true. In letting go of the past, you may ﬁnd that you’re able to be more alive in the present. If you don’t like where you are in life, then you must change your way of thinking.
6. You Can’t Solve a Problem with the Same Mind That Created It
Wayne: I would regularly remind the children that their concept of themselves is nothing more than all of the things that they believe to be true. And if what they believe to be true is helping them to create situations in which they are unhappy or even unhealthy, they are then challenged to change what they have unwaveringly held on to as an absolute truth. This is very difficult for most people to do, and this is why so many stay stuck, because they would rather be right than happy.
7. There Are No Justified Resentments
Serena: Growing up, there was a five letter word beginning with a “b” that we were not allowed to say or use. No, I’m not talking about bitch; the real bad word in our household was blame. Dad has a zero-tolerance policy for resentment. He simply wouldn’t allow any of us to place blame on anyone or anything other than ourselves. Freedom comes in forgiveness and letting go. When you free yourself of your past resentments, you release yourself of the worry of the future.
8. Treat Yourself as If You Already Are What You’d Like to Be
Wayne: The greatest gift that any of us are granted is the gift of our imagination. Every single thing that now exists was once imagined, and the corollary of this assertion is that everything that is ever going to exist in the future must first be imagined. In my role as a father and a teacher I felt it was incumbent upon me to help my children understand and apply the phenomenal implications of this basic notion. “If you want to accomplish anything, you must first be able to expect it of yourself.”
9. Treasure Your Divinity
Serena: When we were little, my brothers and sisters and I were taught by our parents that God resided within each of us; that our divinity was not something we needed to go out and look for. Instead, we would find it when we looked within.
10. Wisdom Is Avoiding All Thoughts That Weaken You
Wayne: All I wanted for my sons and daughters, and all of those who read my books and attended my lectures, was to realize that they could always choose a thought that would empower them, as opposed to ones that make them fragile and weak. This is one of the greatest lessons we can all use each and every day of our lives: wisdom is avoiding all thoughts which weaken you. Or as the children heard me say so many times, “Your life is a product of all of the choices that you have made, so choose well.”
For some other lessons I learned from my father, read our book, Don’t Die With Your Music Still In You (http://www.hayhouse.com/don-t-die-with-your-music-still-in-you-1).
Read and Heed! 🙂 God’s blessings on your journey!