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New Goal: Nurture your Spirit
As the New Year is coming, our minds may turn to New Year’s Resolutions. If you do make some, chances are that, once the price of achieving your goal is recognized, few will actually put out the effort in order to succeed.
One worthwhile goal is that, for about 30 minutes to an hour after you wake up, you have a direct line open to your subconscious. That is the best time to plant seeds of change in your life by reading something nurturing to your spirit.
I always follow this up with my morning prayers for all the people and matters that concern me or that I know are in need of prayers. I pray specifically by name (because I believe we are known to God by our names), as well as by groups. Another hint: If you are praying for a person, it is best to pray when you know that person(s) is sleeping. That is the best time to have maximum benefit because the conscious mind will not be running interference. This is not a control issue. You are only praying for the higher good to be manifest. It is never done to cause any harm to anyone or to manipulate. Perhaps you are praying for a healing of a specific health issue. We love people and care very much that harmful effects are occurring in each life. Thus, we are centering our attention on the highest good possible for each person–not from our personal point of view or opinion, but from a loving attitude.
Life has been particularly difficult this year due to the world pandemic of COVID19. It has impacted everyone everywhere in so many ways–health wise, financially, job wise, depression, anger, etc. Your attitude is a most valuable asset, which ends up getting lost in the daily unpleasant circumstances of your life. We know for a fact that it is not what happens to you that is the most important, but it is how you REACT to the stimuli of the outer world that is the key here. Your whole life can turn upside down, but if your focus is on the TRUTH of the bigger picture, you can more easily find a way through the difficulties. It is like plugging in an appliance in order to have it perform. Would you expect an appliance to work if you do not plug it in? Faith alone provides the avenue. If you choose to Plug In by Prayer, Reading, and Nurturing your spirit, you are bringing the power of God into your life by Activating THE HIGHER POWER, releasing the necessary energy to perform the tasks! If you don’t Plug In, you are riding a raft in the storm of life, being thrown hither and yon, without the ability to do much about it.
So, I ask you: Which would you rather do? Plug in and stay peacefully calm, poised, and capable of dealing with each difficulty as it comes up, or jump onto that raft for a wild ride for your day? It is all up to you!
God bless your journey. Happiest Wishes for a Marvelous New YEAR to one and all! God alone knows how very much we all need it!
Tail of the Elephant
There is a tale about three blind men who are holding onto different parts of an elephant. One is holding a leg, saying: “This elephant is like the trunk of a tree.” Another is holding onto the tail, stating: “This elephant is like a snake.” Another is holding onto the trunk, who says: “No, it is like a really thick rope.” Thinking about it, they are all correct in their descriptions. But does it really describe an elephant? Nope.
You see, when one is looking at a situation, probably negative, one only sees it from a personal take on the facts. Other people could see it far differently.
We get so addicted to our own point of view, however, that we think that is all there is. In fact, we do not look outside of our own perceptions to answer a question, respond to a situation (either positive or negative), formulate a plan of action, or even decide to withdraw from the world at large, experiencing depression, angst, or fear.
If one were to suggest that there are other alternatives, most of us do not listen unless it already supports our point of view. The rest just falls away.
If one knows someone who has had such pain in his/her life/heart that withdrawal has become the only answer, how do you show your compassion to that person? As she/he clings madly to the problem, do you get angry? Do you yell at him/her, trying to get through the wall that was placed there on purpose for defense/protection? If you can make no sense of the situation, which keeps deteriorating like a sinking ship, what are you to do if you care about that person? Stand by and watch it go down? That is painful, indeed, to watch.
Try to not forget that personal choice rules here. You cannot save someone who does not really want to be saved. Complaints and suffering aside, the one who is sinking may not want to go quietly, but positive action, no matter how small or doable, is not considered an option by that person because it has already been discarded.
You can always care very much. You can pray. You can try to structure another possibility if you remember the point of reference that person is using. Remember the elephant? Which part does he/she have hold of?
This process is also true in an argument. People tend to defend their own ideas, no matter how strange, and keep holding on to their own version of the elephant, be it leg, tail, or trunk. It is hard to discuss your idea/resolution if you cannot see what idea they are attached to. You have to enter their thought processes, use active listening techniques, recognizing the anger (which is a tool to make the anger dissipate), and keep feeding back to that person what you are hearing. One cannot argue reasonably with an angry person. The anger must first be drawn off in order to have any reasoning heard. Most anger is caused because that person feels like he/she is not being heard, which is why active listening techniques work so well.
How about you? Have you looked at your world lately? Do you have things that make you feel very uncomfortable? Is there an “unreasonable” person — be it a boss, supervisor, coworker, teenager, child — in your life that is “making you crazy?” Join the rest of the world as there will always be someone to “drive you up a wall!” The question is, what part of the elephant are you holding on to? Try to remember that you can decide to go crazy or not as that truly is a decision within your personal power to control. You can even opt out of it entirely by using silence — one of the most ignored, and most successful, tools in the world. It will stop the acceleration.
Sometimes, especially with children, we have to be the needed guide to the “little person,” who thinks whatever action we require is unwelcome and unwanted. If we renege on our duty/responsibility as parents or teachers, the world will be a sadder place for it. That child will grow up without the tools to live his/her life and make better choices. There are so many children we see in stores these days who absolutely are not taught the word “NO means NO!” How many tantrums have you seen lately? It takes a lot of time, effort, and energy to try to keep doing what you know you need to do, often with little gratis afforded your efforts. Try to remember the elephant because you are teaching the point of view that is needed to get the child to see the bigger picture and not just about how it is he/she is thinking/attached to.
Have you heard the words, “Team Building?” It is a buzz word to get things done as efficiently as possible. How does one begin? Simple: Teach the elephant idea as each one is holding a part of the overall product in his/her expertise. Each one has to learn what his/her part is and how it relates to the whole. Then you make sure each one does his/her part. There is always a before and after part to each person’s particular piece. It must start somewhere and end someplace else. It is like hooking the pieces of a train together so it can begin to move. Usually, the whole train gets to moving forward, gathering speed as each learns and does what is needed. If one gets uncoupled, the whole train suffers from lack of forward motion and confusion. Then you have to figure out who got uncoupled, which is fairly obvious. The fix becomes clear much more easily.
I worked in the Government for many years. I used this concept successfully on so many needs that it was honed to simplicity itself. I worked with individual field offices, reporting requirements, travel, major household moves, regulations, timekeeping, performance appraisals, etc. This idea works, plain and simple.
What areas could you use this elephant idea in? Do you see the elephant, or are you personally hanging onto a leg, tail, or trunk? You will have to learn to shift your paradigm to see the elephant. Are you willing? You life would become so much simpler if you would “get out of your box” and look at the overall picture. Once you know the principle and can use it, you whole life could change because interactions would become easier. You could use it with anyone in your environment. Is it worth your effort? YES!
God’s blessings upon your journey!
Elephant
Elephant, Tail, Legs and Trunk
Depression, Anxiety, and Anger = Awesome Trio
Depression is defined in the dictionary as: low spirits; gloominess; dejection; sadness…Psychology: an emotional condition, either neurotic or psychotic, characterized by feelings of hopelessness, inadequacy, etc.”
Anxiety‘s dictionary definition states: “a state of being uneasy in mind, apprehensive, or worried about what may happen; concern about a possible future event…Psychiatry: an intense state of this kind, characterized by varying degrees of emotional disturbance and psychic tension.”
Anger is defined as: “a feeling of displeasure resulting from injury, mistreatment, opposition, etc., and usually showing itself in a desire to fight back at the supposed cause of this feeling…Synonyms: anger is broadly applicable to feelings of resentful or revengeful displeasure; indignation implies righteous anger aroused by what seems unjust, mean, or insulting; rage suggests a violent outburst of anger in which self-control is lost; fury implies a frenzied rage that borders on madness; ire, chiefly a literary word, suggests a show of great anger in acts, words, looks, etc.; wrath implies deep indignation expressing itself in a desire to punish or get revenge.”
If you ask yourself a sincere question: Can I relate to these definitions? Have I ever experienced them? The answer would have to be a resounding, “YES!” Because, whether you acknowledge these ugly feelings or not, the human condition dictates that they are all part of our emotional makeup.
Then the question arises: Are you currently experiencing them in any form? Are you stuck in a loop where all you can do is think about what happened? This could include incidents that occurred many long years ago, last week, or right now.
Are you aware that depression is actually unexpressed anger, which then turns inward, wreaking havoc with every part of you? There are many avenues which you can follow in order to find an answer to your particular brand of it: Books, Classes, Meditation, Breathing, Learn to Forgive, etc. One suggestion I have seen is to write everything down and then mail it to that person, or just express it and shred it. Another is to exercise it away as you think about whatever it is. Another is to pound a pillow, expressing it as you think about it.
Depression also includes sadness and malaise. It can be due to the loss or illness of a loved one or an irresolvable situation, where the Pushmi-Pullyu from the Dr. Dolittle story, enters in. Just recognizing your emotions and the situation can help in enduring whatever is going on. Sometimes that is the best we can do.
Anger is not pretty. It can be extremely destructive in all of its forms. Women, more than men, tend to hold it in until it bursts forth like a raging torrent, usually over something trivial. All you have to do is look at the event and see if the words are commensurate with the situation. Usually, it isn’t. Then you have to look for unresolved issues that occurred prior to the outburst and see what the real driver is. Men tend to be more reactive to situations, responding immediately to it. Their fuses tend to be a lot shorter. This can be a good thing, but also not-so-good, depending on the outcome.
Let’s talk about the idea of FOXHOLES. Soldiers of old dug holes in the ground to protect themselves from the enemy. These holes were dubbed foxholes. In this analogy, think of yourself as being in a hole in the ground, protecting yourself from all incoming issues. As these incidents occur, you grab them instead of letting them pass you by. In lieu of handling the ones you grab at the time, you stuff them into your foxhole, literally filling it up again. You can see how easily your foxhole becomes full, and you are vulnerable because there is more incoming, with nowhere to stuff it. So when the next one comes in, you overreact because your foxhole is full. The other thing about stuffing foxholes is that, the longer that particular thing is in the foxhole, the harder it is to resolve. The idea here is to take care of all incoming problems and not stuff it in the first place. (Of course, if you had just let them pass by without dwelling on them, it would be a non-problem.) The only way to get the foxhole empty is to look at each thing you have stuffed in there and find a way to resolve it. Easier said than done, you say. I agree, but it is absolutely necessary.
Have you ever seen a mother or father with a difficult child, who just keeps pushing and doing inappropriate behaviors? They usually forebear action, especially in today’s world, until something happens which pushes them over the edge. Then they overreact with angry words, actions, etc., that are not in line with what just happened and a punishment that is not commensurate with the child’s behavior mistakes. This causes confusion for all.
In the Bible, Ephesians 4:26 states: “Be ye angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”
My husband and I agreed from the very beginning of our relationship that whatever issues arrive during each day, we would take care of them before we went to bed that night. We would then resolve whatever it was, no matter how difficult or traumatic, to an acceptable level, kiss each other, bless each other, and go off into the Land of Nod peacefully. In all these years, we have never had any “Foxhole” troubles. Life is so much simpler this way. The resolution is accomplished more easily and appropriately.
Have you ever heard a couple arguing about incidents that happened long ago, dredged up in a moment of anger to be thrown in the other’s face? This is a full foxhole, folks. It appears as if by magic, but trust me, it’s not.
The most insidious factor of the Awesome Trio of Depression, Anxiety, and Anger is that they come to you in a complex mix of worry, fear, and trepidation. They are usually part of your foxhole before you realize what is occurring. How can you solve that? It is simple: When you finally recognize it, do something about it. Find a resolution that works for you. Do not let it just stay where it is, causing trouble, ulcers, and affecting your health, because it will not just go away. You will have to find a way to dissolve it. Action speaks louder than words.
Another aspect of this Awesome Trio is that we can assimilate it from the world outside of us: All you have to do is pick up a newspaper, read news on inline, or turn on the TV to the news. The horrific is common fodder for broadcasting. We react to some of it in a personal manner. Yet we can do nothing to change whatever happened, is occurring, or may come down the road. There are just simply horrid instances of every form of malice and ill will out there. Somehow, it ends up in our personal think tank as we find it abhorrent to us in so many ways. We ponder on it. Some of us respond and take some sort of action to assist whoever it is that needs help. Sometimes there is nothing we can do, ever. Yet it stays in our foxhole unless we take some action to either bless them on their way or otherwise resolve it so we can get on with our lives.
Living can be messy. It is not happenstance. We must participate in our lives to the best of our ability.
Are you willing to entertain the AWESOME TRIO of DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, and ANGER ENDLESSLY? Or do you want to find a way to process the causation in order to resolve whatever it is in a timely manner? It is, after all, your journey, health, emotions, ulcers, and life. No one can do it for you. You alone must make the choices that will make the difference.
God’s blessings upon your journey!
Depression, Anxiety, and Anger
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