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Relationships’ Harmony Traces
Many people have already read “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman. They are:
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Gift Giving
This book is so very worth the time to read as it has good, practical methods for filling each other’s love tanks and bringing peace to the home.
However, to this I would add another idea: Harmony Traces
When horses are pulling a load, their strengths and weaknesses are balanced by hooking them together using Harmony Traces. This can be seen in the “Ten Commandments” with Charlton Heston as he rearranged the sheik’s horses so each one could pull with its particular strength, making the pulling more powerful and equal.
Relationships are the same. If two people are in Harmony Traces, whatever the goal, both can pull their share till success is achieved because pulling together multiplies exponentially the pulling power and shortens the route to completion. The opposite then is also true, when little of the quality of Harmony Traces is utilized, it takes a lot longer, produces more friction, and perhaps prohibiting reaching any goal at all. It can be quite the conflagration in that case, perhaps ruining the good feelings one has and eliminating any future possibilities.
No matter the goal, both need to agree on how to achieve it. It includes everything from money goals, cleaning a house, who takes out the trash, or anything from a small task to a major one. Communication is key here, with no “magic thinking” where the other just “knows what to do.” Writing things down actually helps because it solidifies the goals. If one is aware that dirty dishes or refrigerator is just abhorrent to the mate, just honor that by quickly cleaning up the problem as an act of love. Discuss the use of money but do not argue. Discuss planned spending and personal values. Leave nothing to chance. If one demands money to spend while the other is striving to save, anger and resentment will arise and show its ugly face.
Reciprocity is vital! Relationships should be a two-way street. One horse cannot do the work of two. Each has the responsibility to share the load/duties.
Listening to others has become a lost art. Usually, when one person is talking, the other is forming a response–that is not Active Listening. Make an effort to hear what the other is saying, and do not let your own emotions get in your way. One suggestion is to paraphrase what you just heard so that the other knows you actually heard what was said. If yelling starts, it is because that person thinks one has to accelerate in order to be heard. Acknowledging the anger and what you heard can decelerate the situation to talking level again, like pricking a balloon with a pin. Anger cannot be maintained.
Many couples have problems because they treat their friends better than their loved one. They are more respectful to a friend while being disrespectful to a loved one. That makes no sense. “Please!” “and “Thank you!” are always frequently applied in a good relationship. It’s like “a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down!” as in “Mary Poppins.”
In short, using the 5 Love Languages’ techniques and intentionally (with forethought) using Harmony Traces, the love tanks of both can be readily filled. This enables Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” to be met more easily and self-actualization for both parties of a relationship can be accomplished.
Lastly: LAUGH TOGETHER OFTEN! OPEN YOURSELF TO SEE THE BEAUTY OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS!
God’s blessings on your journey.
Hub of a Wheel
Do you feel like life runs you over? Do daily activities make you feel like a chipmunk in a cage, going round and round?
Can this be changed? Absolutely! It takes effort on your part and a change of thinking, which is the hardest of all. We all get stuck in our ruts of what happened before. No matter how miserable, lonely, or hurting we are, change is often so frightening that we never look for a different way to live.
The circumference of a wheel has a lot of motion and activity. Only the hub is quiet and still because it is in the center. This is a key for one to begin to change thoughts and emotions, thereby changing our reaction to the experiences that happen every single day.
How does one find center amid chaos? The drums beat so loudly! Surely the tempo must be maintained!
The awareness of a needed change is the beginning. There are so many avenues that are possible. Meditation, yoga, natural settings where one can find the peace that is sought so desperately, music that speaks to you that quiets your being, taking a class on mindfulness or any subject as you seek your answer. Each person’s answer is different, particular to the uniqueness of each spirit.
Five minutes of quiet breathing and just listening to the sounds around you can serve you well. Perhaps there is a cacophony of dissonant notes, or perhaps it is an awareness of natural sounds. Each one seeks in a different way for the answer. There is always an answer.
Some find it in a church or music; others find it when with loved ones, feeling their presence calming down the vicissitudes of a particularly difficult day. The point is that, in each person looking for an answer, one always appears. ALWAYS. It is the willingness to find a way to the inner hub of one’s being.
If you have a “monkey mind” that is never still, it is particularly difficult to move from the circumference to the HUB. You can do it if you persist. It takes the effort to learn to breathe slowly. (Do you know that when one is stressed out, the breathing immediately goes to the upper chest and can even proceed to hyperventilating! The cure? Take a deep breath and hold it, then let it out slowly. Become aware of your abdomen and force it outward as you breathe in, then collapse it as you force breath out. Continue breathing deeply. Oxygen will increase in your body and brain. You will find a place where the thoughts stop tumbling like water in a storm, slowly the swells lessen until the surface of the water is reflective and serene.) When you arrive at the quietness, you will learn how the HUB feels. If others try to return you to the frantically churning water, in your HUB you can choose not to go there. It is always a CHOICE. Use it wisely. Let no one take that power away from you. Never surrender to outside circumstances.
Life can sometimes hand you a bummer. It has been said by wise men: It is not the circumstances that happen in your life that cause a calamity to become worse–it is your personal reaction to those circumstances, thoughts, and feelings engendered. Are you the captain of your ship, choosing how and where to sail, or not? The choice will always be yours, without regard to any other fact.
God’s blessings on your journey!
Live Your Life Fully Every Day
First, let me wish you A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2023! GOD BLESS YOU WITH YOUR HIGHEST GOOD EVERY DAY!
With the daily stresses and strains of day-to-day living, you may well ask how is it possible to live your life fully every day. We all know the heavy toll that these place on your body, creating illness in our bodies, depression, fear, and anger in our minds, and a state of unfriendliness seen in the whole world in the news. Even if one obtains a modicum of peace, it shatters easily with negative self talk and outside stimuli.
The answer to that question is quite simple but is most difficult to actually practice: Simplify, take one step at a time, watch your self chatter for content, breathe deeply, and smile.
Sounds so easy, doesn’t it? But if you take it seriously as a possible goal, you can watch your life change before your very eyes.
Each day, strive to experience your day, moment by moment. Notice how you are breathing: If it is shallow and upper chest only, your body is telling you that it is stressed. The cure is closing your eyes for a moment, begin to belly breathe, and slowly return to your reality of that moment. In that moment of quiet, examine the cause of the stress. Ask yourself if whatever it is will be worth shortening your life for. If it is not, awareness of a need for change can begin a transition to a calmer you, living longer and happier. Dr. Wayne Dyer stated: “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.”
Our “fight or flight” responses alter our reality every day. Rarely are we chased for our lives by tigers, lions, or bears. But that scheduling conflict, missed taxi, late for a meeting, child is sick and you don’t have a babysitter, or any other stressor in your reality does activate those responses to your body’s detriment. Firemen, police officers, soldiers, or anyone else in situations like that are taught box breathing to deal with stressors: Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, and hold for four seconds before beginning the breathe in process again.
Love is meant to be shared with others who share your life: A word of kindness to a busy check out clerk, a smile anywhere, a laugh to lighten the mood, a hug and kiss to personal relationships, saying, “I love you!” in a meaningful way. Love is very misunderstood in today’s fast-paced world. Some people think it is only a physical thing, but it is so much more than that. Basic respect and cordiality can go a long way in changing your reality with others you know well and strangers passing you like ships in the night. You cannot know how much good you can do to alter someone else’s life by a moment of kindness or a smile. If you pay attention to each one and begin to live and love fully in each exchange every day, this world can be changed greatly. Remember, there are no “do overs” so LIVE NOW. Create good memories.
That idea should include yourself. Our negative self chatter can ruin anything. It is so very powerful. Can you begin the day by looking at yourself in a mirror, give yourself a hug, and say, “I love you!” to that reflection you see? So many personal growth workshops begin with that idea. How can you love others if you do not love yourself first? Jesus said: “Love others AS you would yourself.” He did NOT say: Love others INSTEAD OF yourself. Some of us have been badly taught that such an idea is selfish and wrong. It is taught that others come first always. But can you give water out of an empty bucket? If you don’t find ways to personally fulfill who you really are, how can you give “water” to anyone else? God created you. There is only one of you, just like there is only one snowflake as all are unique.
Yet from childhood we learn that we want to please our authority figures at any cost, which we internalize and carry with us into adulthood. If interpersonal relationships are wrecking havoc in your life with negative self talk, etc., there are some delightful books that are easy reads which can then enable you to make magic changes:
“Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz
“Games People Play” by Eric Berne
“I’m OK – You’re OK” by Thomas Harris
“Rethinking Everything” by Neil Bright
Last night I finished watching “Limitless” on Disney Plus with Australian Actor Chris Hemsworth who plays Thor. It has six episodes and is National Geographic supported. Yes, you might thing that these are, for the most part, directed at very active people in the audience with extreme challenges not many could even think about, but if one is paying attention through all six episodes, one learns a lot about the effects of accidents, how to handle stress, and even life changing things like grief and poor health. I can recommend it to everyone, indeed, for the suggestions it plants in one’s mind.
Little things can cause big feelings and responses. They can grow exponentially. The more you feed with thought and emotions, they become mountains. However, if you take each item individually to examine its parts, you can gain control, causing perceptions to change. They can then become what they are: Little Things.
At any point, all the above can make a difference in your reality: You can be motivated to do the best you can under whatever circumstance you find yourself in. You can choose to live your life fully each and every day in spite of any external stimuli or situation you are in. It starts inside of you with self talk and deep breathing, mindfulness, and the awareness that you want to live all the days of your life in a better way. It is your choice. Awareness is the beginning of change.
God bless you each and every day, now and in the coming years as you continue on your journey! Peace, love, and laughter to you!
Celebrate Being Alive!
Everything has been so negative for so long. There have been so many worries and apprehensions to cause anxiety because most are beyond your control.
Oh, Wait!
Are you breathing? Can you breathe deeply?
Do your eyes see something beautiful in your surroundings?
Does your nose smell some lovely scent that tickles your fancy?
Can you walk?
Do your arms move well?
Do your hands work?
Can you smile?
In short, where is your attention? Is it on things you cannot possibly do anything about? Or can you kiss and hug your loved ones? Touch is so very important from the moment of birth until your last breath.
Are you using your awareness to sweeten your days and those of your loved ones?
So much has been lost due to exterior realities.
Focus is vital to regain control of your body, mind and thoughts. Where is your attention?
If there are no tigers, lions, or bears to run from to save your life, the wear and tear of anxieties are not only useless but harmful.
Concentrate on the good things instead of dwelling on what you cannot personally control or change.
Life is short. Enjoy what you can while you can. Focus on what is in your area of choice so you may make better use of your time and energy.
God bless your journey!
Aging and Adaptation
As we age, so much has changed in the world. What we once considered normal has been replaced by a world that is often beyond our understanding. Certainly, life goes on. Our grandchildren talk about their games as though they are the only reality, and we look at them with a jaundiced eye, thinking: “What are they talking about?” I am certain they look at us with the same opinion.
If we live long enough, our bodies become frailer and more subject to whatever malady comes our way. We remember being able to walk for long periods of time, enjoying the outdoors and activities that pleasure us. Then we could bend down easily as we work with our flowers or do yardwork with vim and vigor. Well, that is no longer true. We must adapt to what our bodies will let us do so that we do not injure ourselves. I personally must go fetch a store person to get items on the lower or upper shelf.
As for maladies, we have to watch our bodies carefully so we can pay attention to when they need a little assistance to keep on going. Our doctors help us with medicines, physical therapy, and sometimes surgeries. I, for one, am grateful for their assistance because I remember my father passing away at the young age of 43 from complications from a duodenal ulcer surgery. The miracles of this age we are living in constantly amaze me because there are new medicines, surgeries, and new techniques, i.e., removing the appendix through a small hole in the side in lieu of cutting one open.
Life does indeed go on if we are lucky. I personally have experienced friends and relatives who have passed away at a much younger age than I. Grief is a hard thing to bear. It can be formidable. It can involve so many different emotions and takes such a long time to work through. Memories offer some solace, as does knowing that person is in a better place or is no longer in pain.
Aging can be a blessing, if we let it be that. We can exercise, do yoga, deep breathing, and whatever activity adds joy to our lives such as luncheon with friends, listening to good music or reading a good book. We can take classes in so many subjects. The Great Courses offer home learning at an affordable price so we can read the book that comes with the class and play the DVD at our pace of learning. There is always the availability of classes in our local colleges, churches, and Community Centers. There are many social events like cards, Bingo, and group activities to feed our socialization needs.
Adaptation to our needs is a requirement and a necessity. We no longer have the option of thinking that things will stay the same. That is so far from the truth. Our children and their children live in a different world than we can understand. We are forced to reach out into their world so we can communicate effectively, show them love in a way they can accept, and help them to learn to adapt to circumstances as we have had to do.
Life continues, and so should we. Wherever we are, we can still think positively, act appropriately, and always love others the best we can. Are you able to do that? It is a matter of choices, after all. Are you willing?
God’s blessings on your journey!
From Bud to Bloom
God created us to flourish. We are each born with seeds of our highest good inside of us. These seeds, once planted in good soil and nourished, proceed by expanding beyond its shell, growing upwards towards the light, becoming a stem, then buds which proceed to blossom.
Are you tending to your inner garden so your seeds will expand into your reality? Quietness of spirit, enjoying the sounds of birds twittering, watching the natural world around you as it changes daily, and developing an awareness of your possibilities to change and become a reality in your experiences daily…all of these happen as you nourish your spirit.
How do you do that? By getting off the merry-go-round of life. Sounds easy, yes? Actually, it is…but we are so used to the busyness of our life that we never stand still.
Psalm 46:10 says: “Be still and know…”
Can you do that?
That commandment is a key to unfoldment of inner peace and a sense of tranquillity that guides you through everything if you just begin to understand it. It is said that just thinking about something new is the beginning of change.
Meditation and reading on subjects that nourish your inner garden is a wonderful beginning. Use your time wisely. Notice the many ways God brings your attention to the beauty and wonder innate in your surroundings wherever you are. Feed your soul. Every child knows this. Watch their curiosity bounding forth as they explore their world, using all their senses to see, touch, feel, taste, etc. Each one has a passion to really live. You, too, can do that.
Imagine you are living in a box of your own making. You have put a lot of effort into it, including and excluding items with every choice you make. But your box does not have a lid, so peer over the top to see what is out there that the walls of your box has excluded.
Life is meant to be lived…not on a merry-go-round of your own making. Tend to your inner garden faithfully and watch the blooms come forth! Imagine it! Wow!
Bloom where you are planted!
God’s blessings on your journey.
Hub of the Wheel = Peace
Imagine a large wheel like on a Conestoga wagon or a bicycle. It is round with spokes of metal or wood going to the center hub. All the motion takes place on the circumference or outer edges of the wheel while the hub center is still.
Now think of all the activities you do each day. Think of how busy you are from the time you get up until you go to bed. These are on the circumference. Some days you feel like you have been run over or left behind.
The world today is filled to the brim with doubts and fears of so many things. How can you maintain your center in this crazy world?
The answer lies in what you are focusing your attention on and what emotions and thoughts you are reacting to. Sound simple? Actually, it is. Strangely enough, it is demonstrated on a column in the Temple at Karnak in Egypt. There is a figure shown there who is moving its head from one cheek to another. Jesus said to “turn the other cheek.” Somehow, this lesson has been abused so badly that it interprets to a “It’s OK to hit me again!” mindset. What it literally means is: Change Your Focus!
So how do you manage to perform this task when every minute something more is added to your “To Do List” for the day? It begins and ends with your thoughts and emotions.
Do you long for PEACE and Stillness of Heart and Mind? It is yours immediately when you move from being on the circumference of the wheel to its center! Take deep breaths! Close your eyes! When your monkey (busy) mind draws your attention to things on the circumference, take another moment to brush that thought away without resistance or dwelling on it. Begin to imagine a place with great beauty and quiet. It could be a majestic memory, a mountain cabin, or a peaceful beach. Mine is a wondrous garden filled with scents from the fabulous flowers. I am sitting on a bench, quietly absorbing my surroundings. All else is dimmed like a person in a balloon who can hear sounds from far away till that, too, fades away. This excursion of your mind can take but a few moments, but it will move you from chaos to peace.
When you open your eyes, your perspective is changed. You have found your center and become a spectator of the things on your circumference in lieu of being a participant in the craziness. With that, you can choose to act calmly instead of reacting to outside stimuli. As you continue to breathe deeply, you can then take whatever actions you deem appropriate to those activities on your circumference, but your heart and mind are at PEACE!
Can you imagine a greater gift that you can give yourself? I think not. Peace is yours whenever you stop for a moment and move from the circumference to the hub.
Choose wisely for the choice is yours alone.
God’s blessings on your journey.
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