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Relationships’ Harmony Traces
Many people have already read “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman. They are:
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Gift Giving
This book is so very worth the time to read as it has good, practical methods for filling each other’s love tanks and bringing peace to the home.
However, to this I would add another idea: Harmony Traces
When horses are pulling a load, their strengths and weaknesses are balanced by hooking them together using Harmony Traces. This can be seen in the “Ten Commandments” with Charlton Heston as he rearranged the sheik’s horses so each one could pull with its particular strength, making the pulling more powerful and equal.
Relationships are the same. If two people are in Harmony Traces, whatever the goal, both can pull their share till success is achieved because pulling together multiplies exponentially the pulling power and shortens the route to completion. The opposite then is also true, when little of the quality of Harmony Traces is utilized, it takes a lot longer, produces more friction, and perhaps prohibiting reaching any goal at all. It can be quite the conflagration in that case, perhaps ruining the good feelings one has and eliminating any future possibilities.
No matter the goal, both need to agree on how to achieve it. It includes everything from money goals, cleaning a house, who takes out the trash, or anything from a small task to a major one. Communication is key here, with no “magic thinking” where the other just “knows what to do.” Writing things down actually helps because it solidifies the goals. If one is aware that dirty dishes or refrigerator is just abhorrent to the mate, just honor that by quickly cleaning up the problem as an act of love. Discuss the use of money but do not argue. Discuss planned spending and personal values. Leave nothing to chance. If one demands money to spend while the other is striving to save, anger and resentment will arise and show its ugly face.
Reciprocity is vital! Relationships should be a two-way street. One horse cannot do the work of two. Each has the responsibility to share the load/duties.
Listening to others has become a lost art. Usually, when one person is talking, the other is forming a response–that is not Active Listening. Make an effort to hear what the other is saying, and do not let your own emotions get in your way. One suggestion is to paraphrase what you just heard so that the other knows you actually heard what was said. If yelling starts, it is because that person thinks one has to accelerate in order to be heard. Acknowledging the anger and what you heard can decelerate the situation to talking level again, like pricking a balloon with a pin. Anger cannot be maintained.
Many couples have problems because they treat their friends better than their loved one. They are more respectful to a friend while being disrespectful to a loved one. That makes no sense. “Please!” “and “Thank you!” are always frequently applied in a good relationship. It’s like “a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down!” as in “Mary Poppins.”
In short, using the 5 Love Languages’ techniques and intentionally (with forethought) using Harmony Traces, the love tanks of both can be readily filled. This enables Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” to be met more easily and self-actualization for both parties of a relationship can be accomplished.
Lastly: LAUGH TOGETHER OFTEN! OPEN YOURSELF TO SEE THE BEAUTY OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS!
God’s blessings on your journey.
Hub of a Wheel
Do you feel like life runs you over? Do daily activities make you feel like a chipmunk in a cage, going round and round?
Can this be changed? Absolutely! It takes effort on your part and a change of thinking, which is the hardest of all. We all get stuck in our ruts of what happened before. No matter how miserable, lonely, or hurting we are, change is often so frightening that we never look for a different way to live.
The circumference of a wheel has a lot of motion and activity. Only the hub is quiet and still because it is in the center. This is a key for one to begin to change thoughts and emotions, thereby changing our reaction to the experiences that happen every single day.
How does one find center amid chaos? The drums beat so loudly! Surely the tempo must be maintained!
The awareness of a needed change is the beginning. There are so many avenues that are possible. Meditation, yoga, natural settings where one can find the peace that is sought so desperately, music that speaks to you that quiets your being, taking a class on mindfulness or any subject as you seek your answer. Each person’s answer is different, particular to the uniqueness of each spirit.
Five minutes of quiet breathing and just listening to the sounds around you can serve you well. Perhaps there is a cacophony of dissonant notes, or perhaps it is an awareness of natural sounds. Each one seeks in a different way for the answer. There is always an answer.
Some find it in a church or music; others find it when with loved ones, feeling their presence calming down the vicissitudes of a particularly difficult day. The point is that, in each person looking for an answer, one always appears. ALWAYS. It is the willingness to find a way to the inner hub of one’s being.
If you have a “monkey mind” that is never still, it is particularly difficult to move from the circumference to the HUB. You can do it if you persist. It takes the effort to learn to breathe slowly. (Do you know that when one is stressed out, the breathing immediately goes to the upper chest and can even proceed to hyperventilating! The cure? Take a deep breath and hold it, then let it out slowly. Become aware of your abdomen and force it outward as you breathe in, then collapse it as you force breath out. Continue breathing deeply. Oxygen will increase in your body and brain. You will find a place where the thoughts stop tumbling like water in a storm, slowly the swells lessen until the surface of the water is reflective and serene.) When you arrive at the quietness, you will learn how the HUB feels. If others try to return you to the frantically churning water, in your HUB you can choose not to go there. It is always a CHOICE. Use it wisely. Let no one take that power away from you. Never surrender to outside circumstances.
Life can sometimes hand you a bummer. It has been said by wise men: It is not the circumstances that happen in your life that cause a calamity to become worse–it is your personal reaction to those circumstances, thoughts, and feelings engendered. Are you the captain of your ship, choosing how and where to sail, or not? The choice will always be yours, without regard to any other fact.
God’s blessings on your journey!
Aging and Adaptation
As we age, so much has changed in the world. What we once considered normal has been replaced by a world that is often beyond our understanding. Certainly, life goes on. Our grandchildren talk about their games as though they are the only reality, and we look at them with a jaundiced eye, thinking: “What are they talking about?” I am certain they look at us with the same opinion.
If we live long enough, our bodies become frailer and more subject to whatever malady comes our way. We remember being able to walk for long periods of time, enjoying the outdoors and activities that pleasure us. Then we could bend down easily as we work with our flowers or do yardwork with vim and vigor. Well, that is no longer true. We must adapt to what our bodies will let us do so that we do not injure ourselves. I personally must go fetch a store person to get items on the lower or upper shelf.
As for maladies, we have to watch our bodies carefully so we can pay attention to when they need a little assistance to keep on going. Our doctors help us with medicines, physical therapy, and sometimes surgeries. I, for one, am grateful for their assistance because I remember my father passing away at the young age of 43 from complications from a duodenal ulcer surgery. The miracles of this age we are living in constantly amaze me because there are new medicines, surgeries, and new techniques, i.e., removing the appendix through a small hole in the side in lieu of cutting one open.
Life does indeed go on if we are lucky. I personally have experienced friends and relatives who have passed away at a much younger age than I. Grief is a hard thing to bear. It can be formidable. It can involve so many different emotions and takes such a long time to work through. Memories offer some solace, as does knowing that person is in a better place or is no longer in pain.
Aging can be a blessing, if we let it be that. We can exercise, do yoga, deep breathing, and whatever activity adds joy to our lives such as luncheon with friends, listening to good music or reading a good book. We can take classes in so many subjects. The Great Courses offer home learning at an affordable price so we can read the book that comes with the class and play the DVD at our pace of learning. There is always the availability of classes in our local colleges, churches, and Community Centers. There are many social events like cards, Bingo, and group activities to feed our socialization needs.
Adaptation to our needs is a requirement and a necessity. We no longer have the option of thinking that things will stay the same. That is so far from the truth. Our children and their children live in a different world than we can understand. We are forced to reach out into their world so we can communicate effectively, show them love in a way they can accept, and help them to learn to adapt to circumstances as we have had to do.
Life continues, and so should we. Wherever we are, we can still think positively, act appropriately, and always love others the best we can. Are you able to do that? It is a matter of choices, after all. Are you willing?
God’s blessings on your journey!
Hub of the Wheel = Peace
Imagine a large wheel like on a Conestoga wagon or a bicycle. It is round with spokes of metal or wood going to the center hub. All the motion takes place on the circumference or outer edges of the wheel while the hub center is still.
Now think of all the activities you do each day. Think of how busy you are from the time you get up until you go to bed. These are on the circumference. Some days you feel like you have been run over or left behind.
The world today is filled to the brim with doubts and fears of so many things. How can you maintain your center in this crazy world?
The answer lies in what you are focusing your attention on and what emotions and thoughts you are reacting to. Sound simple? Actually, it is. Strangely enough, it is demonstrated on a column in the Temple at Karnak in Egypt. There is a figure shown there who is moving its head from one cheek to another. Jesus said to “turn the other cheek.” Somehow, this lesson has been abused so badly that it interprets to a “It’s OK to hit me again!” mindset. What it literally means is: Change Your Focus!
So how do you manage to perform this task when every minute something more is added to your “To Do List” for the day? It begins and ends with your thoughts and emotions.
Do you long for PEACE and Stillness of Heart and Mind? It is yours immediately when you move from being on the circumference of the wheel to its center! Take deep breaths! Close your eyes! When your monkey (busy) mind draws your attention to things on the circumference, take another moment to brush that thought away without resistance or dwelling on it. Begin to imagine a place with great beauty and quiet. It could be a majestic memory, a mountain cabin, or a peaceful beach. Mine is a wondrous garden filled with scents from the fabulous flowers. I am sitting on a bench, quietly absorbing my surroundings. All else is dimmed like a person in a balloon who can hear sounds from far away till that, too, fades away. This excursion of your mind can take but a few moments, but it will move you from chaos to peace.
When you open your eyes, your perspective is changed. You have found your center and become a spectator of the things on your circumference in lieu of being a participant in the craziness. With that, you can choose to act calmly instead of reacting to outside stimuli. As you continue to breathe deeply, you can then take whatever actions you deem appropriate to those activities on your circumference, but your heart and mind are at PEACE!
Can you imagine a greater gift that you can give yourself? I think not. Peace is yours whenever you stop for a moment and move from the circumference to the hub.
Choose wisely for the choice is yours alone.
God’s blessings on your journey.
Your Life Is Your Mirror
Your life reflects your words, thoughts, and emotions/feelings. What are you dwelling on, thinking about, speaking, feeling?
“How can this be?” you may ask yourself. “Surely this is a joke!” Sad to say, it is not.
So look around you. Stop for a moment and concentrate on your life as it exists at this moment. What do you see? How do you feel? Is it beautiful or ugly? Are you peaceful or being torn apart by your inner lions? Anger, fear, hatred, and all separating emotions fall into this category. How do you tame them? Do you even want to? Are you so certain that your reactions to outside stimuli command these lions to come forth (so you cannot help or stop them)? Is it worth the price you pay? Are you so righteous that it justifies them?
When you close your eyes at night, what do you see, think about, and remember? Savoring that moment when you discovered something so beautiful that it made you stop in your tracks? Beautiful flowers, sunsets, some kindness that was given to you, a hug, a smile, a kiss perhaps? Life can be magical even in these trying times where so many are suffering from unimaginable tragedies. The question becomes:
What are you dwelling on? Is it one of life’s injustices common in these days? Or would you rather think, speak, and feel about ARK: Acts of Random Kindness that you did for others which were returned to you?
The lions inside of every one of us really do become the kings of our inner beings, dictating our life, reactions, and thoughts toward whatever is wrong with our own personal world. The good things disappear in the mist of our mind. When one looks around and finds hopelessness, fatigue, and sadness, you can rest assured that the restless lions are at work in your particular world.
In order to tame those lions, many suggest that deep breathing in the middle of the daily battle (if battle it be) and meditating on uplifting thoughts can give you moments of the peace you seek.
Bad things happen to all of us on this third rock from the sun. No matter how good or how bad a person we are, what we sow, we reap. In some cases, a few plant bad seeds of discontent, etc. There is enough of a mirage surrounding these few that they seem believable in the extreme, and like the pied piper calling the lemmings to the sea, they are followed willingly, much to our sadness and regret.
But you can decide if you want the lions inside of you to reign supreme or seek a new way to think, speak, and feel. That mirror will bring the wonder of life magically back to your eyes and heart. Are you willing to use that mirror to seek the changes you need so you can experience peacefulness once more? It is, after all, up to you.
God’s blessings on your journey!
Emotions Play a Vital Part in Prayer
Before words come thoughts. These evolve and involve emotions. Thoughts are the engine, and emotions are the gasoline that drives it. So, emotions do, indeed, play a vital part in prayers.
Prayers are more than supplications to a higher Being. They are building blocks towards a better life for ourselves and others. They form the light that guides us on our way each and every day. It is that light and awareness that we share with others who touch our lives, possibly for a moment and maybe a lifetime. It forms the basis of who we really are…before we open our mouths to communicate.
If this premise is true (and I believe and know that it is), it should commend the idea of examining our thoughts and emotions before, during, and after we pray. What is it that you are feeling and thinking right now? These will generate joy instead of sadness, peace of mind vs. experiencing harried, hectic, and unhappy situations.
It is all up to you. Do you choose to throw gas on a fire which is already consuming you or pour water over it, calming reactions and your spirit?
It is within your power every day to choose which ones that will help or hurt you. Words, thoughts, and emotions bring so much power into your life, for good or ill.
It is up to you. Are you willing to look at that idea?
God’s blessing upon your journey.
FEAR IMMOBILIZES!
Fear does indeed immobilize one because it enables thought patterns that are based on the worst possible outcome. This, in turn, creates emotions that ensure vulnerability and helplessness. Overwhelmed by all of the above, inaction itself generates a decision from indecision!
Sound crazy? Of course, it is! Does it happen? All the time! Why? Because fear is so strong a negative emotion that it just takes over, mind and body. All one can focus on is the object/idea feared. No other outcome is thought about. Peace is an impossible dream.
Somewhere in the Fear spectrum, Anger enters like a charging elephant! Unstoppable? You bet! This causes one to perform poorly and respond negatively and overactively to outside stimuli.
As long as one’s attention is focused on the “bad stuff” of life, which happens daily in most people’s experiences, the “good stuff” is kept locked up and cannot hold sway in your thoughts and emotions.
Focus is the key here. It’s like holding a magnifying glass to look at something. The more it magnifies, the bigger it seems. Reality has not changed, but your perspective has greatly altered.
In order to get off the merry-go-round of this thought/emotion process, one must firmly grab the reins on this runaway horse and firmly take control. One must choose to “get a grip” and change the arena by looking at other possible outcomes, thinking/feeling other alternatives. Only then can your reality change by loosening the hold fear has on you, permitting to you to be more functional in your life and reactions to others. Anger is not generated so one can think better before acting.
The exclusivity of Fear is this example: I was driving a good friend of mine home about sunset. It was the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen, vivid, so many colors! I brought this to the attention of my friend (who was caught up in a negative sequence involving Fear and Anger). She absolutely could not see the beauty of it. She brushed it aside and continued with her diatribe. Nothing in her situation changed because she was “feeding the monster!” The situation became unalterably worse. How else could it be?
If one wants peace to fill your mind and life, your focus has to change. Ernest Holmes said: “What you think about, you bring about.” I would add that thoughts create feelings, which are the engine of the mind. Both create your reality, like it or not. Focus is part of the idea behind Dr Wayne Dyer’s: “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.”
Do you want to continue down a negative path in your life, or do you prefer peace, adaptation, mobility, and different choices to govern you? It is, after all, your choice. Are you willing to experience something else?
God’s blessings on your journey!
I Am The Doorkeeper of My Mind, Always!
I have known for many years that I Am The Doorkeeper of My Mind!
“Thoughts are Things!” Ernest Holmes…Also: “What you think about, comes about!”
Philippians 4:8 (King James Version): “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
Could it be any more clear?
Yet we stuff our monkey minds with cluttering thoughts during every minute of every day, losing our peace and joy for what purpose? Just like the song, “Windmills of Your Mind”:
“Round like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel,
Never ending or beginning on an ever-spinning reel…
As the images unwind, like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind.”
Can you choose to stop, hit pause, and just be quiet for a moment? Or is your race so harried that your breath is shortened from stress, possibly self-imposed because of your thinking processes?
Life itself is filled with noises of every kind. Some are important, but most are not. If one does not differentiate between incoming sensory information, overwhelm is a natural outcome. Then if you react to the situations, you are “waking up the devil” inherent in each one, which is a recipe for disaster.
Romans 12:2 states: Be ye therefore transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Why would this be important? Because thoughts create emotions, which are the driving force of your personal engine.
What would a car be like if you had no destination in mind? Or being a ship on the ocean, driven by winds and currents instead of guided on its way? Your life is your ship. If your thoughts linger with worry, anger, loss and other negative emotions, you are feeling all that you do not want to happen…pushing on the accelerator, if you will, but going nowhere. Is that what you want?
If you are The Doorkeeper of Your Mind, you will have a different way of looking at everything. Situations are an outside stimulus which can be separated by your inside sense of calmness. If you are examining incoming data, you can sort it out a whole lot easier. This is especially true of emotions: Caused by outside circumstances or inside responses? Is it yours, or does the problem really belong to somebody else? We can remain human garbage cans, drained of all energy, unable to react appropriately, etc. Is that something you would willingly choose? I think not…yet we do it every day in almost every situation because we do not know of another choice. Yes, it is just a choice.
What do you choose?
God’s blessings upon your journey!
Words
Words can become the wind beneath our wings. If we use them correctly, they will uplift and guide us.
A love of reading has always been a part of me. Now I realize how very important books/learning can be because the words come to life for me to use.
In John 1:1, it states: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
Kahlil Gibran says: “Learn the words of wisdom uttered by the wise and apply them in your own life. Live them.”
Wow! Just think about that for a moment. Awesome!
Ernest Holmes stated: “The supreme affirmation is: ‘IAM’ – as such, it was given to Moses…This affirmation is constantly with us, and every time we speak, we use it in some form. We must be careful to use it only as an upbuilding force.”
Life begins each morning with an alarm – a wake-up call. Then we move into each day as usual. How much thought do we put into what we say or read?
Matthew 15:11 states, “What you put into your mouth cannot make you clean or unclean; it is what comes out of the mouth that can make you unclean (as it comes from the heart).”
Whew! Does that add responsibility, making it a personal level indeed?
Do you accept the idea of thinking about what you say before it leaves your lips? Or do your emotions react first, especially negative, angry ones, erupting like a volcano?
Proverbs 4:7 (King James Version): “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom, and with all thy getting, get understanding.”
There are so many orators in this world…great speakers. Yet there are some who do not understand the effect of the meaning of the words they speak. It is like having a menu on a raft in the Pacific Ocean, but no food to go with it, thus making it useless. However, words can also create a great deal of harm, used poorly.
So it is all up to you: Do you want to choose your words wisely before they are spoken? Do you want what comes out of your mouth and heart to be uplifting to others, or to spout hurtful words of condemnation and judgment without merit?
Again, what words you read can have a wonderful affect on your mind and heart. Choose carefully what you put into your mind, because words do, indeed, make a world of difference!
God bless your journey and your choices!
upliftingthoughts4u 