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Relationships’ Harmony Traces
Many people have already read “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman. They are:
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Gift Giving
This book is so very worth the time to read as it has good, practical methods for filling each other’s love tanks and bringing peace to the home.
However, to this I would add another idea: Harmony Traces
When horses are pulling a load, their strengths and weaknesses are balanced by hooking them together using Harmony Traces. This can be seen in the “Ten Commandments” with Charlton Heston as he rearranged the sheik’s horses so each one could pull with its particular strength, making the pulling more powerful and equal.
Relationships are the same. If two people are in Harmony Traces, whatever the goal, both can pull their share till success is achieved because pulling together multiplies exponentially the pulling power and shortens the route to completion. The opposite then is also true, when little of the quality of Harmony Traces is utilized, it takes a lot longer, produces more friction, and perhaps prohibiting reaching any goal at all. It can be quite the conflagration in that case, perhaps ruining the good feelings one has and eliminating any future possibilities.
No matter the goal, both need to agree on how to achieve it. It includes everything from money goals, cleaning a house, who takes out the trash, or anything from a small task to a major one. Communication is key here, with no “magic thinking” where the other just “knows what to do.” Writing things down actually helps because it solidifies the goals. If one is aware that dirty dishes or refrigerator is just abhorrent to the mate, just honor that by quickly cleaning up the problem as an act of love. Discuss the use of money but do not argue. Discuss planned spending and personal values. Leave nothing to chance. If one demands money to spend while the other is striving to save, anger and resentment will arise and show its ugly face.
Reciprocity is vital! Relationships should be a two-way street. One horse cannot do the work of two. Each has the responsibility to share the load/duties.
Listening to others has become a lost art. Usually, when one person is talking, the other is forming a response–that is not Active Listening. Make an effort to hear what the other is saying, and do not let your own emotions get in your way. One suggestion is to paraphrase what you just heard so that the other knows you actually heard what was said. If yelling starts, it is because that person thinks one has to accelerate in order to be heard. Acknowledging the anger and what you heard can decelerate the situation to talking level again, like pricking a balloon with a pin. Anger cannot be maintained.
Many couples have problems because they treat their friends better than their loved one. They are more respectful to a friend while being disrespectful to a loved one. That makes no sense. “Please!” “and “Thank you!” are always frequently applied in a good relationship. It’s like “a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down!” as in “Mary Poppins.”
In short, using the 5 Love Languages’ techniques and intentionally (with forethought) using Harmony Traces, the love tanks of both can be readily filled. This enables Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” to be met more easily and self-actualization for both parties of a relationship can be accomplished.
Lastly: LAUGH TOGETHER OFTEN! OPEN YOURSELF TO SEE THE BEAUTY OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS!
God’s blessings on your journey.
Believe In Yourself
How many times have you heard, “Believe in yourself?”
If you begin at the very beginning, your self concept begins from the day you are born and continues to build as the days go by. The important people in your life, especially your parents or a teacher, can have great bearing on the formation of your personal identity. Whether or not you have low self-esteem issues, or perhaps you have a hard time expressing your opinions or standing up for yourself, you are a person with the ability to recognize any perceived short-comings you have. You also have the power to decide to change.
When I was young and in the above-mentioned state, I read Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. I came to many realizations as I read this book. I could see the common sense of it. I began to implement some changes. My husband at that time did not like the idea at all. In fact, he tore up my book into confetti-sized pieces, threw them at me as he exclaimed: “You cannot be a person because you are my wife!” Did the marriage last? No, because once I knew I could stand on my own two feet with the ability to make new choices, the situation was untenable.
If I were to look in a mirror today all these years later, I can celebrate because I married a man who truly wanted an intelligent mate who can think, act, and be the person I need to be – even while I am working with him, side by side, in harmony traces. (This is like a pair of horses, pulling a wagon, where the strengths of one aids the weaknesses of the other and vice versa, pulling the load equally.)
When I was a senior in high school (many years ago), I took Speech. Of course, I had to speak in front of the class. The person sitting in the first desk could not have really heard me – no projection, shy, slow of speech, etc. However, as I began to age, I discovered that I can be in a room of any size and be able to have everyone hear me without the aid of the microphone. How is this possible? It happened because I discovered that I could begin to unwrap my God-given gifts that I was born with and learn to use them to benefit myself and others.
When I was in elementary school, an art teacher, Mrs. Able, told me to never attempt to do anything in the art field. I was crushed and did not attempt any form of art for a long time. A few years back, I took an art class on my lunch break. My teacher made me promise to finish and frame my pencil drawing of a Norwhal, a collage I titled “Quietness,” and another collage in blue titled “Flight.” He told me I could put my works on display in any gallery in town. So I ask you, “What made the difference?”
The answer is simple: I discovered some of the gifts that I possess and did, indeed, learn to use them. My self definition changed from “I can’t!” to either “I can!” or “I want to try something new.”
You, too, can discover that you are a unique human being with many gifts inside of you which need unwrapping. The words, “Believe In Yourself” take on new meaning as you find what you are capable of doing. As you begin to set aside the old tape recordings of how incapable you are, the more you begin to actually live your life more fully. You can decide to make new choices instead of rehashing old memories/words or beliefs.
The only question remaining is: Are you willing? It is, after all, entirely within your capabilities to recognize that a change is needed. Then you find out that just the process of recognizing that a change is needed actually begins a synergy that can carry you forward as far as you want to go.
God’s blessings upon your journey!
upliftingthoughts4u 