Posted by upliftingthoughts4u
Is there such a thing as a PERFECT WORLD? Somewhere, is there a UTOPIA? Or is it just an IMPOSSIBLE DREAM?
There are people who actually must believe that MISTAKES never happen. I do not think they know that erasers are still put on pencils because they do.
I have had to learn how to deal with my Perfectionism. I have had to modify it so I can live on this planet. I have had to come to peace in my mind that I need to soften my expectations. In my mind’s eye, I have to aim at an area the size of a washtub instead of a little tiny hole, which is the absolutism of Perfectionism, like in playing golf. I have to give myself some “wiggle room.” If one is dealing with a child, one expects a child to wiggle and get off course a bit. Yet we deny ourselves that possibility. Why is that?
Do we have an Authority Figure between our ears who dictates to us and beats us up inside if PERFECTION is not accomplished? Every single time? In every instance?
Yes, Perfect can be a possibility some of the time. But I need to remind myself that my goals need to be adjusted according to the requirements. If one is programming the course of a rocket or a space module, PERFECT is absolutely required with no room for error. However, for most things on this planet, CLOSE can work rather well.
For one thing, PERFECT takes a lot of time and effort. I have to ask myself if the goal is worth it. Sometimes, it is. However, most of the time, it really isn’t. I always try to do the best job I can, using as much effort as I can to do something right the first time. I don’t intentionally make mistakes that require something to be redone. However, as with all humans, sometimes it does happen to all of us.
The question is, do we want to become paranoid because we are less than perfect and may make a mistake?
That translates into fear, which incapacitates the mind and disables the functioning capability which is part of our innate system.
Life is like archery: one learns how to shoot the arrow the best one can, one takes aim, and then one releases the arrow towards the target, win, lose or draw. Once released, its trajectory cannot be altered unless it hits an obstruction, like a branch. The end results tell the tale. Once one releases the arrow, angst about where it will hit will not change the arrow’s trajectory.
Yet, in real life, we add the angst every single moment over every little detail. This angst is bad for our physical health, our mind, and our body. It registers as higher blood pressure, a sense of nervousness, the “fight or flight” message to our adrenal glands, etc. It can cause us to make poor choices of food and other behaviors, eating or smoking to calm ourselves down.
Are you willing to give yourself some “wiggle room?” Can you adjust your expectations so that you can opt for PERFECT or CLOSE, as needed? Can you forgive yourself for MISTAKES and move on?
Just a note in passing: Procrastination ALWAYS has an element of PERFECTIONISM in it, causing you to delay acting at all. That is worth thinking about.
You are the only one who is at the helm of your ship. How will you sail it? Where will you sail it? What is your destination? Are you enjoying your journey? Only you can decide these things.
God’s blessing be upon you!
Posted by upliftingthoughts4u
A quote I live by every day: “Life is too serious to be taken seriously.”
I have had at least one person ask me what that means. I just responded, “Lighten up.”
When I was young, my temper would often get the best of me. Then I would dwell on the situation, only making myself more upset by the minute. Often it would take me days to get over some small incident.
Even if someone actually means to do something ornery to you, is a grudge the best way to handle it?
If someone cuts you off in traffic, do you react with anger? Are you still upset at your desk hours later? I figure that person who cut me off, nearly taking my fender with him, did not actually do it to me — it is a habitual way to drive which is a poor paymaster, eventually causing that person to damage his own vehicle and probably somebody else’s. I bless him on his way.
As I have aged, I grant others the ability to misbehave and make mistakes, knowing that they are doing the best they can at that moment. I do not take it personally. It saves me a lot of wear and tear on my heart and mind because I just do not want to get angry about the situation. When I get angry, I am leaving my center of peace and tranquillity and exchanging it for something that will not be worth the agony it causes. I have to choose to ACT and not REACT. If I have to state something clearly so that a situation is resolved, I do not have to yell or cuss to get my point across. Yet there is no doubt in anyone’s mind what I am communicating.
I took an Anger Management class many years ago. I learned that ACTIVE LISTENING is the key. You repeat back to the person who is yelling at you exactly what you heard. You keep it up. Soon, the volume decreases. People yell because they think you did not hear them. When you repeat what they say, they lose steam. The Anger flows away. You cannot rationalize with an angry person. He/she is not listening to you. You cannot discuss the issues if one person is yelling and not listening. You can even, eventually, agree to disagree and then set another time to actually discuss the issues if it is necessary. I personally had to deal with a very angry 300 pound man who was borderline getting physically violent. The active listening calmed him down until I could ask him to leave. So I know it works.
Anger, in some people, causes them to withdraw as a reaction. They crawl up into a little shell, which only increases the anger expression of whoever is perpetrating the situation. Obviously, that person does not know you are listening to them. Some people just try to get away from whatever is happening and just run away from the scene as fast as they can. Resolution never occurs.
Bullies love it. We admit that. They like to feel powerful and power-filled. They usually find someone to pick on that is smaller than they are. They win by intimidation. Some supervisors do that same thing. You cannot interact with them because they know they have POWER. But being quiet like a mouse does not work either as a response. They usually only get worse. Try Active Listening techniques. Perhaps it will help calm the situation.
When someone is angry, it raises their blood pressure, the adrenalin “fight or flight” response, and the wear and tear on the body. It is like a light that goes shooting out at the person or situation. When it is over, one feels empty and drained. If the anger is not expressed properly, however, it turns inward and becomes depression. That is a bad beast to have to deal with.
You can pound on pillows, write a hate letter and shred it, perform physical exercise, imagining that you are stomping out the problem/situation/person. There are lots of ways to exorcise the bad feelings without putting one’s fist through a wall, person, or thing.
I have had three accidents in my life which have impacted my body functioning and hampered how I can do many tasks. I have had to deal with anger over the losses to my healthy body. Life is not fair, and it will never be so. I had to work my way through the anger responses so I could deal with the pain and the situation. That is not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary because I choose to be a pleasant person with a smile on my face. Most people will never know what I have gone through and what is happening to my body at any moment. I do not let the pain or the anger control me and dictate what my interaction level will be with others. I choose to overcome it and share the best that is in me with my world.
We are like puppets of the memories we have, registered long ago when we were learning how to interact with our world. We learned how to deal with situations by watching those around us. If we did not have good mentors (and most of us had parents and others around us who are capable of making mistakes), we respond with whatever we learned, good or bad.
Most of the therapy that people pay for is so they can react and interact with their world differently than what they learned when they were small. They want to be able to be more functional. That is a good thing. It is never too late to change, using whatever tools you can find that work for you, be it a book, a good friend, etc.
If you find yourself becoming angry at something or someone, can you stop for even a second before you light that flame of destruction? Can you ask yourself why you are ready to rip somebody’s head off? Can you stop and breathe deeply, trying to calm yourself, your blood pressure, and your “fight or flight” response? That is the purpose for counting to 10, slowly.
Do you remember the scene in the Harry Potter movie where Ron was facing his fears, and he turned the spider into a clown, with roller skates on each leg? Do you know that anger can be dealt with in the same way? I quietly think about a scene from Alice in Wonderland, looking for the Mad Hatter, The Cheshire Cat, the White Rabbit with the pocket watch yelling, “I’m late! I’m late! I’m late!” Anything that will add levity to the situation until I can regain my perspective. I don’t have to tell anyone what I am up to…I just do it.
When things gets crazy around me, instead of joining the craziness, I just calmly rise in my air balloon, looking at the situation as a spectator. If I choose to ACT, I can then do so. No hint of REACT is there. (Now, if I had a charging tiger to deal with, I would put my adrenalin to good use. But short of that, in real life, there are not many dangers out there to react to. It is the imaginary dangers that cause the damage, and most of them never happen. We just worry about it all, nonetheless.)
If have been told that I am a very positive person. I work at it. It is not something that happens by chance. I work on my calm attitudes because I want to be part of the answer, not the problem.
Each morning when I get up, I set my sails so that if some errant wind catches me, I can then adjust my sails so I can keep heading towards my destination, whatever that may be for the day. Lots of people can try to huff and puff, and blow me off course…all to no avail. Circumstances can do the same. I still press on with my hand on the helm, charting my course by my belief system and my faith. with prayers always in my heart.
Life happens. We all make mistakes. We have to continually pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again.
If you find yourself stewing over some situation and not arriving at a peaceful resolution, just know that you have lots of company. The only questions you need to ask yourself are, “Do I want to continue feeling like this? Do I want to change that?” Hanging onto your anger will not solve a thing. It only wears you out from the inside. Is it worth it?
Posted in Uplifting Thoughts
Tags: accidents, act, active listening, agony, anger, anger management, blood pressure, breathe, bullies, calm, crazy, depression, fair, fears, grudge, heart, levity, life, memories, mentors, metaphysics, mind, misbehave, mistakes, New Age, New thought, pain, Peace, perspective, power, puppets, react, resolution, sails, spectator, temper, thoughts, tranquillity, Truth, understanding, wisdom, withdraw